LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
