I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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