We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
