I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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