I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
