wake up i wanna do it froggy style
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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