god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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