I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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