the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize