I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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