How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
