my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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