sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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