You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
