Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
