I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
