Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize