people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
