dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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