ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
