I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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