The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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