woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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