I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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