YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize