we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
