remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
