ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
