this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
