I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
