There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
