My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
