A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
