last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
