The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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