Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
