just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
