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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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