and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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