Cold hands, warm shart.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Screwed.edu
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
