My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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