Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
