worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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