It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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