Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize