worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
