We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
