Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
