Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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