Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
