shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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