Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize