Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
