Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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