I wannas sexs uuuuu
i think i have two assholes
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
