i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
