he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
