Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
