I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
