His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
