His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
