i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I still have a little drunk in my system
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize