Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize