remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
