I don't think brook has ever known best
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize