weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
