I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
